Mind > Matter

Learning to love myself is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.

It’s hard not to compare yourself to other girls and I know it’s so wrong, yet it still happens every time I go out. Such a vicious cycle.

I long to master the art of true self love so I will no longer be tormented in a world where my mind is the enemy and my body is the victim of my own shame.

Doubt

Love is funny.

You have a mutual agreement with another person that you’re meant to be together and that you will stay together forever. But what if you can’t make that promise? After all, we are only human.

How can you be sure the other person isn’t just going to up and leave when the going gets tough? You can never be sure.

Thats the shitty thing about love.

Is this what you really want? I can’t be certain. And while I am happy to just keep going on the way we have been, (because I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my whole entire life) I catch myself doubting whether you actually feel the same. Am I just paranoid or is this something I should be worried about?

 

Does anyone else ever feel like completely giving up on life?

 

That’s how I feel right now.

Beacause Beau Taplin describes what it’s like to be in love way better than I will ever be able to.

“We sit in silence and watch the stars, I suppose because there are no words, not in all the languages on earth, that can properly describe the feeling of being in love. And perhaps those little burning lights out there in the dark are the closest we come to something that does.”

Beau Taplin // L i t t l e  B u r n i n g  L i g h t s

 

This place has a very strong hold on my heart.

You make me crazy, but in a good way so it’s okay.

Gosh.

“The one thing I know for sure is that feelings are rarely mutual, so when they are, drop everything, forget belongings and expectations, forget the games, the two days between texts, the hard to gets because this is it, this is what the entire world is after and you’ve stumbled upon it by chance, by accident – so take a deep breath, take a step forward, now run, collide like planets in the system of a dying sun, embrace each other with both arms and let all the rules, the opinions and common sense crash down around you. Because this is love kid, and it’s all yours. Believe me, you’re in for one hell of a ride, after all – this is the one thing I know for sure.”

-Beau Taplin

One look, dark room
Meant just for you
Time moved too fast
You play it back
Buttons on a coat
Lighthearted joke
No proof, not much
But you saw enough
Small talk, he drives
Coffee at midnight
The light reflects
The chain on your neck
He says look up
And your shoulders brush
No proof, one touch
You felt enough

You can hear it in the silence, silence
You can feel it on the way home, way home
You can see it with the lights out, lights out
You are in love, true love
You are in love

Morning, his place
Burn toast, Sunday
You keep his shirt
He keeps his word
And for once you let go
Of your fears and your ghosts
One step, not much
But it said enough
You kiss on sidewalks
You fight and you talk
One night he wakes
Strange look on his face
Pauses, then says
You’re my best friend
And you knew what it was
He is in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence
You can feel it on the way home, way home
You can see it with the lights out, lights out
You are in love, true love

And so it goes
You two are dancing in a snow globe round and round
And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown
And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars
And why I’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words

‘Cause you can hear it in the silence
You can feel it on the way home
You can see it with the lights out
You are in love, true love
You’re in love

Being in your arms feels like home.

Its hard to put into words how much you love someone without sounding like a complete loony.

 

Questions

So, do you like the idea of the girl
or the girl herself?

Cool girl.

  
I hate that I relate to this so much.

Stay cool Jackie, stay cool.

I’m trying really hard to keep my mind peaceful and most importantly, in the present.
I don’t want to obsess about the past or the future or anything out of my control.
I can’t be in control of everything, not even my emotions. But I can decide whether I act upon them or not.

I can do this.

Over thinking turns into over reacting. Which in turn, results in me feeling like a lunatic.

How much more insecure can a girl get. Like, seriously.
My mind must get a real kick out of tormenting me.

I am suffocating under my insecurities. I just want to breath again.
Stop it, Jackie. You know better.